The Great Caribbean Beer-Off!

Posted on: Tuesday, February 17th, 2009
Posted in: Travelog, 4th Stop: Grenada, Latest Trip | 6 comments

Beer tastes better down here (if that’s possible). It goes well with seafood, sailing, sunning, and as a palate (and/or body) cleanser for the salt after swimming. While all beer is good food, a few barely pass the smell test. So please open your palate, mouth, and mind. It’s time for the Great Caribbean Beer-off!
HERE ARE THE FINAL RESULTS… based on ratings in 10 categories worth 10 points each—possible 100 points.
1st Place:  Stag, 85 points
2nd Place:  Heineken, 70 points
3rd Place:  Hairoun, 69 points
4th Place:  Carib, 55 points
  • 1st Place:  STAG  (pronounced:  STOG!)
Name:  8.  A bit tacky, but easy to say after you’ve had a few.  Unique.  Macho. 
Story:  7.  Supposedly from Trinidad, a place that makes most people agog and afraid. 
Marketing:  10.  Virtually none—a dark horse.  How cool is that?  Like a private club. 
Smell Test:  8.  Smells pretty okay, for a beer. 
Taste:  10.  Once drinkers discover it, they stick with it. 
Availability:  7.  Pretty common in the southern islands, but nowhere north.  Exclusivity brings bonding? 
Tepidity:  9.  Stands up to the sun, if necessary.  Your best bet when cold can’t be found. 
Size Matters:  7.  Usually in large bottles.  But occasionally a bar fools you with smalls. 
Price:  9.  More than Carib, but much less than Heinie.   
Bonus:  10.  What’s not to love? 

  • 2nd Place: HEINEKEN  (pronounced:  I-nuh-KEN!)
Name:  8.  Comfortable, familiar, ever-cool.  It’s the International Budweiser.  
Story:  8.  Comes from Holland, or whatever they’re called now.  They need attention. 
Marketing:  9.  Always classy and calming  Love that little red star. 
Smell Test:  4.  Smells skunky, if in a good way.  An acquired scent. 
Taste:  9.  Bottled all over, yet eternally consistent.  Effervescent, welcome mouthfeel. 
Availability:  10.  If any Caribbean joint has only 2 beers, one will be Heinie. 
Tepidity:  6.  Not good warm, but it disappears fast, so… 
Size Matters:  6.  Bad:  usually comes in mini-bottles (250 ml).  Good:  cute little cans. 
Price:  5.  Costs more for less liquid.  Ish! 
Bonus:  8.  Like and old friend.  Plus you look Euro and suave, if you wish. 
Our Island, Our Beer
  • 3rd Place:  HAIROUN (pronounced:  I-ROON!)
Name:  7.  Fun to say.  You sound local once you get it right.  Odd spelling, though. 
Story:  10. What St. Vincent used to be called, so big ups for nostalgia and stubbornness.
Marketing:  9.  Vincies love their homegrown.  “Our Island, Our Beer.”  Whoa! 
Smell Test:  5.  Could be worse. 
Taste:  7.  Goes down easy.  No problem, mon. 
Availability:  3.  Unheard of after you leave the SV Grenadines.  Withdrawal risk. 
Tepidity:  5.  No loitering.  Great ice-cold, but the warmer it gets, the more it sucks. 
Size Matters:  9.  Only seen it in 12 ounce bottles.  But never on tap loses a point. 
Price:  7.  Cheaper than Heineken, but not cheap enough.  
Bonus:  7.  Didn’t get tired of it for several weeks.  Great memories. 

Carib:  Worst Caribbean Beer?
  • 4th Place:  CARIB  (pronounced:  CA-RIB)
Name:  9.  Almost Caribbean.  Named after fearless, feral Indian settlers. 
Story:  5.  Not much “there” there.  Brewed in many ports, with many ? waters. 
Marketing:  5.  Little to see beyond omnipresent personal endorsements. 
Smell Test:  3.  Smells so bad it’s often served with a lime. 
Taste:  3.  Kinda Corona-like, maybe worse.  Watery, wimpy colon-cleanser.   
Availability:  6.  Mostly avails S of the N/S Grenadian meridian; occasionally N. 
Tepidity:  1.  Not good cold, worse warm.  Must be ice-cold and pounded carelessly.   
Size Matters:  6.  Good: only comes in large units.  Bad:  only comes in large units. 
Price:  10.  Cheapcheap.  + sold where people party by renegades at miniscule markups.   
Bonus:  7.  Good: often served w/ lime; can be on tap.  Bad:  On tap can be flat & insipid. 
Print Friendly, PDF & Email

6 Responses to “The Great Caribbean Beer-Off!”

  1. scott Says:

    what no presidente? maybe an importing stag is in your future… i bet kim bartman would want it!
    just a couple q’s on the beer-off:
    did kyia assist in the judging
    was each vessel emptied b4 tasting the next
    what order were they consumed
    how is this part of home schooling


  2. Hawk Says:

    I’ve never had STAG. Can I get it in the northern USA?

  3. Hawk Says:

    Drinking in the Islands is requiered learning.

  4. kirk Says:

    Presidente? Memories are not so good (?) but I reckon we’ll see it in Puerto Rico, where we hope to arrive tomorrow. STAG is probably hard to find, but it seems every major metro has a store or bar or 2 that pride themselves on having 555 beers. SO maybe? But really, it may not be worth seeking out, tho it IS worth flying down here for!

    Did Partner help? Some, but she prefers hard stuff and all, which tastes about the same all over. I think she’d concur with my judging, but has never loved Heineken. We carry on despite such major issues.

    Tasting was NOT all once, so far as I can recall. But I have trained tastebuds, lots of experience, dontchatknow.

    What order consumed? Down here, you just take if when you get it. Or go dig out yer own. Yes, this is part of MY home schooing. One is always learning. Beer has a lot to teach us. Rock on, *kph

  5. BreakAway » Blog Archive » BABT2: The Pub Tour! Says:

    […] sure, there may be risks, calories, and drinking involved.  But whoever said that scheming a Sabbatical should be a lifeless […]

  6. Spain Vrbo Says:

    I have been reading out a few of your stories and
    it’s pretty clever stuff. I will make sure to bookmark your site.

Leave a Reply